Trauma Vs. Serenity

 <------We have this

Or this --------->      

The truth about betrayal trauma is that at least 86% of wives of addicts are suffering symptoms of PTSD. This number was given to me this week at my support meeting.  It's on the rise. The last time I look at a number from Dr. Keven Skinner of Addo Recovery the number was in the 70 percentile.

Regardless of those numbers, trauma feels exactly like all those words in that graphic at the top of this post.  Fear is a huge driving emotion in my personal trauma.  No matter how much I try to talk myself down off the fear ledge, it is huge, it is real and often comes uninvited.

In the beginning of all of this, I thought, 'if I could only just be more _____________" then he wouldn't need this addiction. Right?  I thought is was my fault in a lot of ways.  I thought I just wasn't enough for him.  

Wrong!

Then I found the 12-step program for family members of addicts and the answers to why I'm triggered, or why I was sick to my stomach and shaking all the time, why I numbed all my feelings and felt so lost in my own marriage.  

In 12-step I found the tools to help me recover.  

The new support group I attend has their own approach to the 12-step model which includes the use of the Serenity Prayer.   As we discussed the topic the week, this reference to serenity came up a lot. Along with a process model for dealing with trauma -- that I'm sure is familiar.  It wasn't part of the Healing Through Christ program, so it was new to me.   

Here is the process:

    1.  On your knees

    2.  On the phone

    3.  In the box

What is this ' in the box?' 

What I learned is:  It's a surrender box. A box where you write down what you are going to surrender to God.  It is the do-able portion of the first three steps of the 12-step program.

S-Anon:

1.  We admitted we were powerless over sexual addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable.

2.  Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.

Healing Through Christ:

1.  Come to understand and accept that we are powerless over the addiction of a loved one and recognize that our lives have become unmanageable.

2.  Come to believe that the power of God can restore us to spiritual and emotional health.

3.  Decide to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

Surrender = Sanity = Serrenity

Today I surrender my husband, my marriage, and my inability to fix what is broken on my own.

Here's a link to more information on the surrender box if you are interested. A jar works, a journal works too.  Surrender in a way that works for you.