I remember (sometimes embarrassingly so when I think too long about this experience) telling those women sitting in that room, that I longed for a trail that was visible to the world. I thought a broken leg or maybe cancer would be better than what I was dealing with alone that day.
To not be seen is one of life's greatest pains.
I wanted to be seen -- and heard -- that Sunday morning.
No one said a word to me at the meeting's end.
It was ok.
I didn't need those women to see me.
In that moment, I knew God saw me.
I knew He always did -- he always would.
There are so many time through out this life, I have wanted people to see me, to feel with me, to make space in a few moments of their day for me.
It is such a beautiful gift we give one another to truly see them.
What I didn't see that Sunday morning, in the sharing of my pain, is that I would need that experience to recognize that need in other women. To learn that others, like me, have pain the world cannot see.
One day, God would put those women in my life to sit with.
I would see them.
I would make space for them.
I would sit with their pain.
I would honor them for their strength.
I would love them -- even more -- for allowing me the gift of seeing them.
"Life carves a holding place in our hearts" (Wilcox, 2009) from which God will use us as His hands, to bless others; to help Him reach across the chasms of His world and ours to feel him -- and trust him.
That day, He filled the empty space in me with an awareness I could later use to help others.
We are not invisible.
God sees us.
He shows himself to us through the love of charity of his other children.