History Assignment From the Therapist

In our session Tuesday we hashed out one of the bumps we hit this week.  It wasn't a pretty one.  When H starts in on his weekly report, I find myself fighting feelings of being tattled on like when I was a kid.  H was loud as he told his side of the story.  I wanted to run a couple of times.  Instead, I took a big breath and sat there as present as I could while H talked.

When it was my turn to reply I was pretty proud of myself for how I answered the questions, explained my beliefs on the issues without it sounding like we were in a 'he said, she said' scenario like two kids  at the principal's office.   I wasn't called out either by this therapist like I have been by others.  Was that a little victory or another witness that I need to keep seeing this guy for a while as odd as it is without the LDS aspect?

Wrapping up the session,  we were asked to bring back a little history of what had been going on between us that brought us to him.  Six session in and we are finally getting to this.   (A comment I made about how many times H and I have been separated this year must have ignited this assignment.)

I'm going to use this forum of my blog post to type out the requested outline.

Aside from all the affairs in the early years of our marriage.  This history begins with the last 6 years of trauma. 

2009 -     H started attending online classes to finish his degree

               H started getting involved in  porn, hook-up sites, wives wanting affair type sites, etc

               Found H's sexting convo with another woman.
               Attempted to clear out all the profiles on all the dating sites he joined

     

2010 -11 struggling/avoiding/spent most of these 18 months on the couch.  I didn't do any policing, but I'm pretty sure I could have found evidence if I looked.

2011 -   I was out of state tending to my parent's final effects - 

              - caught H calling women off craigslist -- and 800 sex lines

              - Found more email when I got home from craigslist ads.

              - Attempted an in-house separation -- which ignited H's acting out sexually with several
              women

           

October 15, 2011 - Found all the evidence on his cell phone (email, text, pictures)

                 -  planned to kick H out and file for divorce

                  - tried some reconciliation/counseling

Jan/Feb 2012 - received a card in the mail from a woman H met on speedate.com

                    

June +/-   caught H on the computer looked at poem

                tried to deal with it with counselor - H quit

                

October 2013 - purchased second home

                         found more online evidence

                         asked for separation

December 2013 - attempted reconciliation

January 21, 2014 -- 20 days back together before separating again

January 28, 2014 - Back together again

February  - Found more craigslist evidence left again for a couple weeks

March 11 - H left again telling D that he would not be back this time

                  Gut feeling -- not evidence

April 6 -   Home again...

                 -  Evidence - carried on with a women for the past 2.5 years online

                 -  Never got off the dating sites even thought he told me he had

                 -  Went back to seeing one of the women he had sex with back in 2011

                 -  Added about 7 more women's names to the list of people he was sexual with to one        

                    degree or another

                 -  lied about private email accounts and instant messages services

I'm feeling a lot of trauma as I go through these dates.  I'm having to go through email, and blog posts to be sure the dates I'm entering are the correct dates.  My heart is racing.  I hate this.  I am praying this is helpful information for next week's session.  This is pretty intense pain.  I wasn't expecting it.