Twenty Days

That's as long as I lasted.  20 days.

We were doing o.k. -- not great -- but o.k.  Until Sunday.

I lost it.
He lost it.

He refused to go to church.

I got triggered.

I asked him to leave.

We were only back together 20 days.

In some ways I was doing ok.  I was working on compromising.  I was working on accepting the 'disclosure' (if you can call it that) that was made during counseling.  I was trying to let it go.

Sunday when he realized he was stressed over a work assignment and hadn't made that a priority on Saturday  -- suddenly -- without warning or discussion -- it became one.

He wouldn't bend.

Go with us and I'll take the kids to the other house and we'll leave you alone so you can work.

He refused.

Just go to Sacrament meeting with me then.

He wouldn't compromise.

He was angry.  He was unbendable.

I lost it.

I don't want to do this again.  I don't ever want to go to church alone.

Boundary breach.

He took all his stuff and left.

I went to church -- alone -- again.  Just like I've been doing the past 3 years.

He came home too soon, I think.
Before we talked about enough issues.
Before we addressed his anger and how that scares me.
Before we addressed my issue with him and church.

I don't know if we can start over.
He feels rejected and kicked out.
I feel lied to and manipulated.
And I'm being blamed for the whole issue.

This was 20 day recovery failure!