A Positive Change

My blog posts tend to be focused more on my struggles than my successes.  That needs to change.

Starting today.

I like this quote.  A lot!  It fits me.  I like to look for the good side of things.  It is easier to deal with the rough spots if I do this.

I like to be happy.  It's my nature.  I try not to be negative or complain (Though I know that happens --  too much maybe.)   I've learned over the past couple years how important gratitude is in recovery work.  While I recognize I will have bad days as I struggle to work through some of my feelings and issues with H, I still want to be happy.  I don't want my rough spots and snags to negatively effect me or those around me.  I for sure, don't want it to impact my future.


“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” ~Winston Churchill

I have never wanted to be the 'downer' person.  It weighs on friendships and relationships.  

My current example:  S was in California going through basic training for the Marines.  It was rough on his wife.   The first block of training had a finite number of days.  She knew when S would be done and could make plans around it.  She made a countdown chain for the littles and set up some scheduled friend time and a lot of  some alone time (yup..I got the littles for that part).   Before I knew it the 13 weeks was up and it was time for her to go meet S and be there for his graduation.   The problem developed when the short ten day break was over and S had to return to California.  This time, with no end date in site.  This hit Dl harder than she expected it.   She's not shaking it.  Two weeks now.   She feeds the pain and why it sucks for her and everything is a mess because of it.  It snowballs out of control.  (Maybe, I've been doing this lately too -- in a different way.)

This picture was taken Saturday night on a date night.  I can't remember the last time we had one of those.  What made this one so great is the crazy thing we did.  This is me and H eating dinner while we walked around Wal-mart.  Weird I know.  (And kinda frustrating when we checked out because the self-check scale didn't like all those empty containers).  Oh how we've needed something fun, something out of the box for a while.  Some time just for us.   General Tso's chicken, Triscuits, a bottle of water and a store full of stuff we've seen a thousand times -- not that unique.  Its a fact I've been found on more trips to Wal-mart than not, to open up a box of something and feed one of the littles so I can shop in peace.   This night, there were no littles, no fruit snacks,  no goldfish.  It was just the two of us and boundless creative options for dinner.  

It worked.  It was fun.  It was healing.  Such a silly little thing made a huge difference and broke through a snag.  It open up a path out that I hadn't been able to see previously.  

I realize how desperately I need a happiness project.  Something that I do to help break through my rough patches.   In one of the Addo classes I took last year, Dr. Skinner had us make a calming kit.   Dr Skinner said;  "Your brain becomes hijacked when you are experiencing emotional crisis, thus resulting in decisions and actions highly influenced from our limbic system (the emotional/ fear center inside the brain). When hijacked, we react upon intense emotions and often behave in ways we regret later on. To prevent unwanted behaviors and feel in control we need to calm ourselves by regulating our mind and body through self-calming"


He suggested the following items:

Smell

• A favorite lotion or perfume
• A nostalgic smell
• Essential Oil

Taste

• Dark chocolate
• Honey sticks
• Gum

Sight

• Photos of family
• Post cards of places you have been or want to go
• Inspiring quotes

Touch

• Soft blanket
• Smooth stone

Sound

• Mix CD of inspiriting music
• CD of nature sounds
• Audio recording of positive self-talk

Kinesthetic

• Package of play-dough or clay
• Pen and paper for doodling
• Oils, makers, paints

Internal

• Crisis journal
• Scriptures/Quote

Taking this a step farther, I added to my kit a few items that might help break H and I out of a stuck spot.  Some ideas I had are:

• two movie tickets
• two balloons taped to a map to the local park   
• take a deck of cards down to a local soda shop -- get a soda and play go fish
• two chocolate bars and a 'let's take a walk' coupon 
• a coupon that with the suggestion to 'lay on a blanket out on the deck and look at the stars together'
• play you-tube 'name that tune' over a bowl of popcorn

I realized Saturday night I have spent so much time trying to avoid H.  I don't know how to be myself around him any more.  I can stay in my world of self-protection, hiding emotionally and physically from H or I can look for a way out of all of this mess and try to build a brighter future.  It will take some time to work this out.  It will take some trusting of myself and of H.  It will take being vulnerable, which I avoid like the plague around him.   I can stay in my slump or I can look for a way out -- and maybe a way up.

I use this quote all the time when I need it to make my point to someone else.  Today its time for to take a does of my own medicine.

Time to re-think how I think.