What is Love Anyway?

Most of the conversing between H and I lately are happening by text.   Not the best forum.  Lots of things get misunderstood there.  It just feels safer -- at least, until yesterday.  I was in a particularly open place and let H know how dead I feel inside right now.   Spurring this question from H:

"So does that mean that you don't love me anymore?"

My breath stopped when I read that question.

How can I be authentic with myself and not hurt H?  

I said the only thing I could think of that wouldn't hurt either one of us...

 'You know, love is a funny thing.  It comes and goes.  Right now, mine is just stuck some place in between some horrible nightmare and what I hope might be true in the future.'

Maybe today, honestly wasn't such a bad thing.  H came home less distant and less stuck on how hard recovery is for me.  He let me fuss about about my hard day.  He offered to let me sit while he made dinner.  He sat with me while I watched Criminal Minds, and he hates that show.  He read a book (at my suggestion) but at least he didn't leave the room for a change.


This morning on his way out, he said, "I know you are having a hard time, but don't throw me out."

It never crossed my mind to 'throw him out.'   

I guess I just wanted him to know all this stuff I'm struggling with is because I'm having a hard time.

It reminds me of that conference talk by Elder Quentin L. Cook:  "Hope Ya Know, We Had a Hard Time"  (   https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/hope-ya-know-we-had-a-hard-time?lang=eng )


This reminder came across my Facebook page yesterday around the same time that I was struggling  that text conversation with H.   (I have to wonder if the Spirit can reach me through this forum sometimes, the timing has some irony for me.)

Good advice for me and my current concerns. (I know a lot about waiting and being patient in my life's trials, it just doesn't hurt to be reminded God's timing and my timing are never the same.)