Back to Bloggin' and Movin' On!

It has been way too long since I stopped by here long enought to add to the story of my life. Many things have happend. Some good and some not so good. 

Life is like that -- both happy and sad. 

After trying to do this on my own, I have finally come to realize there is value for me in visiting these pages, in telling these stories, both the good ones and the sad ones. Writing them down validates the struggles and successes. It paints the picture of how hard I tried and where I need to try harder. 

It was almost a year ago I came here to talk about being stuck. 

Stuck - unable to move. Unable to change. Unable to progress. Unable to....

Stuck for nearly a year.

Stuck trying.  Is that even a thing?

I tried. 
I tried counseling.
I tried moving.
I tried hiding in my room with the door locked tight.
I tried letting H in my room.
I tried.

There is a truth about trying that has to be told -- it takes two to make a try work. 

A month ago today -- I asked H to leave. 

Did you know leaving is not a complete event? 

leaving

noun

1.

something that is left; residue.

Something that is left leaves a residue. 

It isn't complete. 

Something remains to be felt or seen or to be dealt with.

Residue sticks where you don't want it to. 

It sticks even when you ask them to leave.

residue

noun

1.

something that remains after a part is removed, disposed of, or used;remainder; rest; remnant.

There is the residue of the porn he used in my home.

The residue of the lies.

The residue of pain.

The residue of a broken marriage.

It all sticks and it is difficult to remove. 

For the past year my life has looked something like this detour. 
Wandering into dead ends.
Starting and stoping and changing directions until everything inside me is in knots 
  and I feel lost.

It is time to stop this nonsense.
Stop ignoring the warning signs. 

It is time for a change of direction

So today I am changing direction.
I am finding a straigh path to recovery.
My recovery.

I am going to keep walking.
Out of the crazy-making.
Away from the lies.
Away from the betrayal.
Away from the pain.
Toward me.
Toward Christ -- for he is the only one who can heal this hurt and locate the lost me inside it all. 

Off I go..
Wish me luck!!!