If I Could Write a Letter to Me

I heard this song on the radio the other day.  (warning it may have a triggery line in the beginning.)

It hit me, as I was listening to the words how I wish I could have had a letter to read (over and over and over) during some of my hard, lonely days.  I'd wish it was from me too.  After all, who knows me better?

Here's some of the things I would write:


Dear Younger Me,

Right now you are at the beginning of what should be an exciting journey into adulthood, marriage and children. You probably don't want to hear what I have planned to say.  One day, you'll need this letter and these words of hope.  Hang on to this and remember hind sight is always 20-20.  When you are young you think you can conquer everything, or that your love will.  It will be hard to hear warnings and cautions that your young self would rather ignore.   I don't want to burst your bubble of excitement as all the hopes and dreams of childhood begin to be your reality.  Still, one day you will be sitting where I am today, wishing like anything that someone would have taken the time to be real with you and tell it like it really is.

As you read this, picture the older you sitting beside you hugging you, reminding you -- You can do hard things!


1.  Marriage is not going to be what you see in movies, read in books or heard about in YW classes.   Sure there will be fun days, good days, but a lot of them are going to hurt and be very, very hard.  There will be a few wake up calls, reality checks, and moments you wished like anything people had been more upfront with you growing up.

2.  Sex, no lie, it will be great -- but it will also suck.  Your husband will be a jerk sometimes.  Sometimes it will be all about him.  It will be confusing and take some time to figure out.  Be patient.

3.  At some point you are going to discover secrets and lies that will cause you to wish you could just disappear -- literally.  Life and marriage will seem hopeless.  You'll wonder if anything at all was ever real.  You'll get through it, after a lot of tears and days curled up in a ball on the floor of your closet.

4. Your children will be your greatest allies during these rough days. Don't ever ignore them or take them for granted.  They will hurt too because of this trial.

5.  Because of these horrible lies and secrets, church will be very difficult.  You will bear a invisible trial that will test your faith, and it will test your patience with priesthood leaders more than you will ever imagine.  In time you will come to see what matters and what doesn't.  You will learn to attend your meetings because you deserve to be there.  Sitting alone will give you time to ponder and pray uninterrupted. Those hours alone will become a time of peace in spite of the loneliness.

6.  After years of loneliness and heartbreak you will finally be ready to hold the truth and fight your way though the damage that occurred while you were just trying to live your life.  About this time you will be drawn into a very special association of women that will help you sort out the lies from the truth.  They will help you find the strength to set boundaries and stick up for yourself and slowly walk your way out of the chaos.

7.  In the middle of healing and recovery, you'll have to bear one more huge test.  The final act has not yet played out.  In the mean time, I've compiled a list of thoughts and quotes to lean on when your spirit is worn thin.


* 'Rely upon him who is mighty to save.  Hold on to the assurance that God has promised to answer your prayers, to give you rest, and to keep you safe, even in the midst of your most severe turmoil.  He will bring healing consolation to your soul.'

*In the words of Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "I promise you He is not going to turn his back on us now.  When He says to the poor in spirit, 'Come unto me,' He means He knows the way out and He knows the way up.  He knows it because He has walked it.  He knows the way because He is the way. He is saying to you...'Trust me, learn of me, do what I do.  Then, when you walk where I am going, we can talk about where you are going and the problems you face and the troubles you have.  If you follow me, I will lead you out of darkness.'  I will give you answers to your prayers.  I will give you rest to your souls.;"

* 'Remember the adversary uses despair to bind your heart and mind in suffocating darkness' -- fight him -- hard!

*For every affliction..the Savior has a remedy of superior healing power.'  

* Be thankful.  Gratitude can be a healing balm.

*'Heavenly Father does not want us to minimize our reactions to life. He asks that we accept what He gives us and the take to Him our feelings and the truth about our lives whatever they may be.  If we can go to Him with absolute openness and say, "This is what is happening to me right now and this is what I feel', then He can use that openness as a conduit to teach us how to heal,  how to repent, and forgive and love.'

*Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength."

In your wildest dreams you cannot imagine the you then from the you now.  Trust me when I say,  in the dark days ahead, when you feel alone, you won't be able to do it on your own, but you will be able to do it with God.  Only then, will you will like what you see and be grateful for who you've become.



Love,

The Older You